Observations on the changing world of printing and marketing

Below is crap writing at its finest; that is, at its worst. (Did you see how I did that? I used the phrase “at its finest” in an ironic way, where the literal definition of a word or phrase is intended to actually mean the opposite of what is being said.)

From a local “Integrated Branding Communications Company”:
“All of our Brands are crafted around a strong narrative that is competently delivered on by management and the organization, is relevant and scarce to the customer, and, compared to the competition, offers a sustainable competitive advantage.”

Maybe I’m just not very hip to the whole “Integrated Branding” scene, but what exactly does this mean? I’m imagining these people in a large Theatre of Branding, where “strong narratives” are “crafted”, perhaps something like:

The Jeff Lazerus Online Museum of Marketing Gobbledygook and Hogwash is proud to bring you lovingly hand crafted integrated communications built around a strong presence inside of and around the various brand crafted narrative which has leveraged our experience in integrated leveraging of managed narrative properties built around a strong craft built organizational advantage to the customer and the constituents of the clients’ customers, with a foundation in message delivery that goes straight to the heart and mind of hand crafted brand business meta-branding delivered through and around the leverage that only our powerful preposition and noun repurposing technology can provide around of in with.