Some people read the internet, some people write it.

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The title of this post is a shill. I can imagine thousands of people every day searching for this phrase, “How to get more traffic to your blog” or some such thing. Experiment #234, or whatever.

THE REAL point of this post is this: I was working in my dank cellar laboratory, mad scientist that I pretend to think I incorrectly don’t claim to not think I am, under the light of the moon and ancient candles, the din of my homemade equipment and iron tools filling my ears with a constant buzzing and humming that would drive lesser men insane. Owls screech in the distance and there is a wafting scent of mold. An occasional undefined and unrelated “knock” disrupts the monotonous buzzing of my instruments, but in a concentration so pointed it verges on the absurd, I pay no nevermind to the various diruptions.

MY DETECTOR WAS ALMOST COMPLETE. I will have freed all humanity from the chains and toil of a hundred years of malapropisms and mixed metaphors, a humanity whose greatest contribution to this universe was formerly nothing more than the pathetic entertainments of children, who feed nightly on the souls of those middlemen and self-proclaimed geniuses responsible for fleeting transactions between middlemen and other middlemen, an economy whose design and construction, not to mention its very walls and cloying decorations, are composed of nothing more than the faintest bovine defecations. This fecund matter has been distilled over time and regurgitated ad nauseum, if I may use such a cliche.

Oh, it wasn’t always this way. There was a time when a person’s futile mortal toil was rewarded with more of the same. Not so in this era. The very masterpiece I now write will contain no labor whatsoever. Yes: the machine has won, my friends. All manner of directed criticism is expounded without limit or bound, and every person who chooses to do so may, at their will (the smallness of which cannot be overstated) add to this infinite heap, this pile, this overflowing box of dreck and rumination. The words you read now are just one example, one grain of wheat in the paradox of a heap. It has become impossible to extract whatever wisdom or useful information

The burden of this weighed heavily on my small mind. Then, I found that utilizing the same tools we have utilized to wash our society with this thin layer of baloney, malarkey and hogwash could also be utilized to shield us from it! I had done it! THE BULLSHZZ DETECTOR HAD FINALLY BEEN REALIZED! My previous work, what I like to call “The Perpetual Motion Machine“, a device which uses no energy to run but moves constantly without ever stopping, pales in comparison. And now, I would unleash it to a public who would certainly be eternally grateful. And I would do it all for no remuneration, anonymously, that all humankind could benefit.

It was not to be so. I have been usurped , by THIS: Gobbledygook Grader. I will now withdraw again, to my rightful place as another object in some scheming billionaire’s calculus, waiting for them to inform me about what I ought to do next. No doubt it will involve a transaction between a series of middlemen.